Thankful

Last year, David and I sat amidst the date palms in the sun, with the guns echoing across the nearby canyon. We read, wrote, laughed, and talked of our lives, dreams. I remember feeling great comfort, great solace in his presence. At the end of this day together, we walked to the DFAC to find most of the good food already eaten. We laughed, and picked through what was left. We were happy with a scrap of turkey, some cold gravy and potatoes. We found happiness amidst the starkness of our lives in the desert. We found joy in hell.

This year, he is gone. I am alone, still here, still amidst the nothingness of this foreign land. I will skip the celebrations, what little there will be. I will grab some turkey and return to my hooch. It will be just another day to be forgotten.

He will be with his own family a very, very long way from here. He will undoubtedly think of me, of what is next in our lives. And I will think of him. And I will thank God that he came into my life, touching everything, changing everything, making everything good again. And I will wait, patiently. I am thankful. I am blessed. I am alive, and so is he. And we will be happy.

There is much to be thankful for.

For those who doubted: thank you for challenging me to become more of who I always should have been.

For Rick: for being a good friend. I will always love you.

For Sabrina: thanks for giving me hope, for taking me where I needed to go that day.

For Annie: thanks for being more stubborn than I am.

For Walt: thanks for teaching me what I needed to know.

For Jeff: thanks for the promise.

For Marty: thanks for your smile.

For Pat: thanks for letting me know.

For Phil: thanks for the refuge, always.

For the man who raped me: thank you for not killing me.

For Ruthie: thanks for making me laugh, and pulling me back from the ledge. I love you.

For Dale: thanks for saving me. May you be at peace now. Siempre estaras en mi corazon.

For my child: thanks for teaching me how much I needed you.

For Steven: thanks for loving me, for teaching me, for letting me.

For Jan: thanks for twenty five years, and for always handing me the right wrench when it counted.

For Scott: thanks for loving me, for knowing me, for never letting me lie to myself. I will always love you.

For Eric: thanks for respecting me, for always making me hysterical.

For Andy: thanks for teaching me what life could be.

For Jill: thanks for leading me, and thinking I was good enough.

For Bob: thanks for knowing when to say nothing.

For Charlie: thanks for caring enough to keep me alive.

For Chuck: thanks for last Christmas Eve.

For Tom: thanks for having faith.

For Dan: thank you for always being there. I could not have made it without you.

For Eileen: thanks for seeing and knowing.

For Karen and Chris: thanks for teaching me.

For those who hated me: thanks for teaching me about love.

For Marion and Keith: thanks for your gift to the world.

For Carol: thanks for loving him so much.

For David: thank you for accepting me, loving me, making me laugh, cry, and live. Thank you for your kindness, your smile, your warmth, your beauty. Thank you for making me human, for giving me hope again. But most of all, thank you for being you. You are my miracle, my joy. You are my everything. Te quiero. Siempre.